Musical appreciation & 'funny' mood

The  last two days have been 'strange' for me because my energy has not been particularly low (it usually isn't following an ECT) and yet my mood has been low. This is a rare occurrence for me as it is usually the other way around: my energy collapses first and then a couple of days later my mood follows.

All I have wanted to do is as little as I could possibly get away with and listen to my favourite songs by my favourite musicians as loud as my headphones could cope with it. Music felt good - even better than it usually does - and I danced 'in my head' because I did not feel like moving much.

I know that it is important to name whatever it is I am feeling because otherwise I am left with a general sense of malaise which only gets worse and ends up drifting into depression. So, what is it EXACTLY that I am feeling? Hmm... I am feeling:

• Sad, without any specific reason to be so, just generally sad.
• Disappointed, in what exactly I am not sure - just disappointed in me. The fact that I keep wanting to eat stoggy food is getting on my nerves and I keep thinking 'oh no, not THAT again'. My turning to food for comfort is unfortunately not new...
• Selfish, because there are so many people on this planet who are going through hell at the moment that I don't feel I have the right to complain about  ANYTHING at all.
• Lazy, because I could do more if I really wanted to - I am not 'depressed' in the way I usually am when I cannot do anything - but I just can't be bothered.
• Bored, with myself and with everything around me.  This is very unlike me...

Well, there you have it and I don't feel at all better for having written it all down - which is also unlike me.  I suppose you could say I feel like I am living in someone else's skin at the moment. 

If there is one thing I have learnt from living in Bi-Polar Land it is that it is important to be patient and so I will put up with my 'funny mood' until such time as it gets better by itself OR it drifts into clinical depression as I know it only too well.

I guess time will tell...

In the mantime I am off to put my headphones on again and listen to my favourite tunes :0)