Useful Tool/Technique

As I was sitting in bed, waiting for my brain and my body to get used to the higher dose of medication my psychiatrist and I agreed I should go on, a thought struck me. I am pretty sure it's not brilliant nor is it original but it fills a gap for me in the way I think of my Bi-Polar Disorder (BPD II).

There are many days when the frustration I feel about my unreliable level of energy spills into my dreams - more specifically my morning 'vivid' dream (see my description of them in Medication: Friend or Foe?).

Yesterday I had a good cry. How can I tell it was a 'good' cry as opposed to a 'bad' cry or even a mediocre one? I have a failsafe way of telling the difference: my energy goes up afterwards and I feel a lot better about feeling bad.

As I had finished writing to my Bi-Polar Depression, I felt another letter knocking at the door of my thinking. As it won't go away, I think it best for me to take action: in order to complete my personal healing correspondence I also need to write a letter to my medication.  So here goes.

Dear Medication

My counsellor J has just started studying for a qualification in CBT - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. My psychiatrist has referred me for CBT so I am very interested in it, both from a personal perspective and from a professional one. There is a very long waiting list for CBT within psychiatric care so this is yet another good opportunity for me to exercise patience...

My friend JC suggested that I use an old army 'trick' to give me a visual representation of the fluctuations I go through - in his soldiering days, JC was used to seeing troops use such a visual representation known as The Readiness Wheel. 

Personal Ecology is a proprietary model of human behaviours which has been developed over the last four years by Human Ecology through research at Oxford University.

Personal Ecology models human behaviours against seven dimensions:

Why do I always find it so difficult to cry when I feel very low? What is stopping me from letting the tears flow?

As I let myself ponder these questions, a few thoughts are making their appearance thus:

In the intellectual and emotional intelligence stakes, I consider myself to be reasonably well equipped.  In the physical intelligence department, I am a dullard, an ignoramus, a Physical Idiot.