Recovery

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I have been feeling well for three days now. Because of it, I cannot believe there are days when I feel so debilitated (I resisted the urge to say 'when I am so useless'). The minute I feel better - not hyper, just better - it's as if my memory had trouble recalling the bad days. I have real trouble BELIEVING those bad days are as bad as all that.

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My latest experiment as a detached observer is over. I am back on my antipsychotic Aripiprazole (Abilify) This is what happened:

After I stopped the medication to find out whether it was having any effect, I soon found myself engulfed in a wave of agitation. This is what agitation looks like for me:

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Where taking my medication is concerned, I am disciplined and compliant.  I don't see the point of complaining that I am feeling bad if I don't take my treatment UNLESS of course the said treatment makes me feel a lot worse. In that case I go back to my psychiatrist because he/she needs to know what is going on.

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This year (2013) has been tough. I never properly came out of my yearly downturn. I have dragged myself as best I could but I mut admit that I am royally fed-up with it all.

A new antidepressant (Escitalopram) and a new anti-psychotic (Abilify) seemed to work for a while. My energy lifted - in fact it lifted a bit too much - and I calmed down - in fact I calmed down a bit too much.

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Karen Tyrrell's ME & HIM - A GUIDE TO RECOVERY is a great book for two reasons: first it contains a whole list of wellness tips, and second it tells a personal story with courage and compassion. And it does all that without preaching - just a lot of encouragement.

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As you know if you read my blog, I support Karen Tyrell's work on bipolar disorder and I am delighted to feature her latest book. I will publish her interview on 14th March 2013 as yu will see by the schedule below. Don't miss out on reading what Karen has to say!


Me and Him:  A Guide to Recovery Blog Tour

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(I have been wanting to write what follows for days but my brain is refusing to cooperate fully. All the ideas are in my head and I know what I WANT to write but I CAN'T. Putting out on paper or keyboard what is in my head is still extremely difficult. I feel as if the connection between my brain and my hands is severed.... This frustrates me more than I can say.)

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I haven't written for a while because it has been VERY difficult for me to know what to write. If I had written anything it would have looked something like this:

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I am feeling green around the gills... A 700mg dose of Carbamazepine (Tegretol) is doing its anti-suicidal work very well. The zone between my ears is wonderfully clear. If anything it is a little on the empty side but I can live with that.

Unfortunately it is working rather too well in two other areas:

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The last two days I have been in prison. I am not aware of having committed any crime but I have been incarcerated all the same.

I reach a point in the deep depression phase of my BPD (Bi-Polar Disorder) when my body feels like a block of concrete. I can hardly move. I walk about as if I were wearing an all-body straight jacket with heavy plaster casts on my legs. I feel like I weigh a ton. Each movement demands enormous effort. I am two inches away from becoming a statue.

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