Laughter

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I haven't written for a LONG time. Even though I gave up playing The Shame Card many years ago, I am still deeply embarrassed by my long silence. I feel I need to tell you the truth so this is what happened:

At the beginning of last year, I was on an equal daily dose of Tegretol (Carbamazepine) and Seroquel (Quetiapine.)

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One of the hardest things about living in Bi-Polar Land is the need to be self-observant without becoming self-obsessed. The other hardest thing (!) is to define what you are supposed to observe in the first place. Take today for example: I feel a bit of a mess - simple as that. And yet, I don't mind too much ....

Ever since I first woke up this morning, I have felt bombarded with a series of messages from my body:

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Last week I went to visit our darling children: my son, his lovely wife and their adorable little daughter. To say I enjoyed it  is  the understatement of the year.  At the same time, I was reminded of the power of rhythm and routine in Bi-Polar Land.

We Bi-Polar Landers all know that our condition is all about rhythm - or eb and flow as we often put it. Our condition has a mind of its own. It takes us up, down and round again. We can do two things:

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Living in Bi-Polar Land is challenging. I know that. Yet, my condition never ceases to surprise me (that's the positive way of putting it) or to wrong-foot me (that's the less positive way of putting it). Just when I think I have finally arrived at some sort of stability something happens to throw everything out of whack again.

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Some of my personal friends and indeed many of my beloved Bi-Polanders in my Facebook Community complain of not being able to feel. Caused my medication this non-feelingness is a source of heartfelt distress to them. I have no problem feeling for them and their situation. In fact I have a problem NOT feeling.

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Following the article that was published in The Daily Mail Good Health section and in which I was interviewed, I have of course been asked a lot of questions about ECT.

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An interesting thing happened today: I started the day really badly. What do I mean by that? Let me explain ...

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Today is the last day of 2010.  As I am about to step into 2011, do I have anything to celebrate?  My immediate reaction is to answer 'NO' because I had two relapses in the last twelve months.  it doesn't feel therefore like I have made any progress.  I am still firmly stuck in Bi-Polar Land and I don't see myself emigrating any time soon.

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Gabrielle ponders life's big questions

I love my Bi-Polanders' comments on my Facebook Page - not just because they are a wonderfully supportive and experienced bunch but also because they challenge my assumptions and stimulate my thinking.  For that alone I will always be very grateful to them all.

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I am well aware there is a movement going on against psychotropic medication - i.e. medication used to alleviate the symptoms of psychiatric conditions such as bipolar disorder.  I understand where those people are  coming from.  Frankly I am not particularly enamoured of pharmaceutical companies and the thought of having to take medication for the rest of my life doesn't thrill me either.  And yet ...

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