Depression

Following my interview on News Talk Radio last Monday 7th February (if you wish to listen click on 3 and my interview starts after 4 minutes), it occurred to me that I have been forming an important part of my 'recovery philosophy' these past few months. I call it The Three 'Hs'.

My first H is Humility.

Following the article that was published in The Daily Mail Good Health section and in which I was interviewed, I have of course been asked a lot of questions about ECT.

An interesting thing happened today: I started the day really badly. What do I mean by that? Let me explain ...

Last week I was worrying about my daughter-in-law's forthcoming visit because she is five months pregnant and I wanted to find a sleeping arrangement that would suit her best. I went through all the possible combinations in my mind many times over.

When I spoke to her about it over the phone, she listened to my ramblings and then she said something unusual:  "Mum", she said, "I think you are over thinking it".

She could have said many things:

I have not had an easy ride the last few weeks.  I felt fine for three months previously so it is hard when I 'lose' my sense of well-being.  It always feels like I am sliding backwards - and THAT is terrifying.

Today is the last day of 2010.  As I am about to step into 2011, do I have anything to celebrate?  My immediate reaction is to answer 'NO' because I had two relapses in the last twelve months.  it doesn't feel therefore like I have made any progress.  I am still firmly stuck in Bi-Polar Land and I don't see myself emigrating any time soon.

I love my Bi-Polanders' comments on my Facebook Page - not just because they are a wonderfully supportive and experienced bunch but also because they challenge my assumptions and stimulate my thinking.  For that alone I will always be very grateful to them all.

I am well aware there is a movement going on against psychotropic medication - i.e. medication used to alleviate the symptoms of psychiatric conditions such as bipolar disorder.  I understand where those people are  coming from.  Frankly I am not particularly enamoured of pharmaceutical companies and the thought of having to take medication for the rest of my life doesn't thrill me either.  And yet ...

I re-read the chapter entitled 'Communication' in my e-book 'Conversations with Batty (my bi-polar disorder) - how talking to myself kept me sane'.  I thought you might like to read it too. As always Batty speaks in italics and those conversations were written as they came to me, without any censure or post-editing: