Welcome to my Blog.
This is the place where I describe my experiences with Bi-Polar Disorder as authentically and truthfully as I am able.>>> read more
Thank you again Karen Tyrrell for visiting this blog. Karen's answers to my questions got me thinking. That's the great thing about sharing your own experience with other Bipolar Landers: you always learn something useful.
So how would I answer my own questions? I have given below the most honest truthful answers I can.>>> read more
I haven't written for a while because it has been VERY difficult for me to know what to write. If I had written anything it would have looked something like this:>>> read more
I am feeling green around the gills... A 700mg dose of Carbamazepine (Tegretol) is doing its anti-suicidal work very well. The zone between my ears is wonderfully clear. If anything it is a little on the empty side but I can live with that.
Unfortunately it is working rather too well in two other areas:>>> read more
Last Saturday (a week ago today) I hit rock bottom. I mean by that that I was fighting the urge to swallow all the pills in the house on a minute by minute basis. Who would have thought that staying alive could be THAT exhausting ... It's not so much that I desperately wanted to die but rather that I desperately wanted out of the torment I was in.>>> read more
Things aren't improving much and I am finding it hard.
I can't do anything and because I can't do anything I don't know what to do with myself.
Bi-Polar Land is the only place I know where someone can sleep for eighteen hours straight and wake up just as exhausted as before going to bed. It drives people who go trough it crazy and I am no exception. It is driving me round the bend.>>> read more
The last two days I have been in prison. I am not aware of having committed any crime but I have been incarcerated all the same.
I reach a point in the deep depression phase of my BPD (Bi-Polar Disorder) when my body feels like a block of concrete. I can hardly move. I walk about as if I were wearing an all-body straight jacket with heavy plaster casts on my legs. I feel like I weigh a ton. Each movement demands enormous effort. I am two inches away from becoming a statue.>>> read more
After a day of Amazing Grace, today was a day of Slipped Back down the Hole. Fortunately the hole wasn't a Black Hole so, although my energy was low, I didn't feel like my very marrow was being sucked out by some hungry dog. You have to be grateful for small mercies ....>>> read more
It doesn't matter how many times I experience this process it amazes me, stuns me, baffles me, astonishes me and puzzles me. if I weren't limited by my vocabulary I could go on and on.>>> read more
When I feel as awful as I do at the moment, there is one thing I tolerate with great difficulty: my inability to have a shower. I hate this! My whole body feels like it is in revolt and it does get revolting after a couple of days...
Having a shower is one of the simple pleasures I usually enjoy (to the point where I often have two showers a day) but at the moment wild horses would not drag me to wash myself:>>> read more