Bi-Polar

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If ever there was a financial metaphor for Bi-Polarism, it is the current economic crisis. Not only that but, pleasingly enough for me, the financial world has now proved that it is as crazy as I am. 

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For years, when people spoke of depression or moods, I felt like they were speaking a totally different language from mine.

For them, feeling depressed was feeling:

  • Blah or blue
  • Unenthusiastic
  • Apathetic
  • Disinterested
  • Discouraged

Fo me, feeling depressed was feeling:

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I have felt rather 'blue' lately. As a result, I have felt frustrated with myself. After all, the beginning of a new year is supposed to be a time of setting new goals and of eager anticipation. I have not been feeling like setting goals and I have lost my sense of anticipation. I haven't even felt like writing - hence my long silence.

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As my hubby was sitting next to me, driving along in the wintry sunshine, I had a light-bulb moment. Just like that. Out of the blue. It suddenly occurred to me that my bi-polar disorder was a powerful physical metaphor for my 'Emotional Swing-o-Metre'.

I have spoken many times of the monster that lived inside my father and that could switch him from a warm loving daddy into a dangerous violent one. This was how I used to experience my father's own bi-polar disorder as a child.

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After a few days of being dozed off my feet, I have resumed my office-clearing extravaganza. As a result of all that sorting out, two things have happened:

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It was bound to happen: after my few days of cleaning and clearing, I am in serious dozing mode. This is the bottom of my little bi-polar wave. Up and down, up and down. Today is definitely down.

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My hubby often says to me when he walks into the kitchen: "you're cooking up a storm in here!" and I love that expression of his. It gives the word storm a very positive meaning for me, as opposed to the awful feeling of being in the storm of bi-polar depression. Also, I enjoy the feeling of 'cooking up a storm' because it is full of energy.

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I am in clearing/cleaning mode this week. I suddenly feel the urge to clear my office out. I feel the need to reorganise my books and to re-read them. Considering how many books I own, all that re-reading should keep me busy for a good long while.

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