Throwing Anchor

I am feeling frustrated with myself. I don't seem to be getting anywhere. I don't seem to be doing anything. Life feels aimless and pointless. I find these feelings difficult to bear. I find myself difficult to put up with. In truth, I get on my own nerves.....

So, where do I go from here and what do I do now? I have no idea and it drives me crazy!

Knitting takes me out of my self-induced misery for a while. At the moment, I am enjoying knitting little woolly hats for neighbours and friends. I feel OK whilst I am engaged in the process of making a hat but when I have finished I feel lost again. I have noticed that I have hung on before to simple mechanical tasks such as knitting or even scoobiedoo weaving! There is something 'anchoring' about those tasks, as if they kept me from floating aimlessly within my life or above myself. I guess the way many people would put it is: they help me feel grounded.

This is The Lilac Hat in my Spring 2009 Collection!

That's the trouble with being the kind of person I am: I tend to live high in the stratosphere rather than deep in the ocean. I tend to see the big picture rather than focus on the narrowly specific, even if I have a good eye for detail. Detail is for me a microcosm within the macrocosm,  a small reflection of the large. I sometimes think of Jacques Brel in these moments. He was a Belgian singer-songwriter of extraordinary power and he once wrote something like: "I wish I were handsome and really thick, just for one day". He was indeed challenged in the looks department and he was also a high thinker. I wouldn't go as far as comparing myself to Brel but I do sometimes wish that I didn't see what I see and know what I know. I have a sense it would be restful to spend  my time thinking about soap operas, fashion, gossip and glossy magazines, just for one day....

From a coaching point of view, with top Core Values such as Spirituality and Love, it's hardly surprising that I have trouble feeling in this world because - to paraphrase the Bible - I do not feel of this world. Having said that, Spirit may fly high but the Soul needs the dank dark moisture of the earth. Spirit may be of the air but the Soul is of the deep ocean. I know I am missing Soulful Work, even if I do anything I do soulfully - preparing food is a prime example. It's not so much that I don't have any soulful work but rather that I don't have enough of the right soulful work .

This is where I also know I miss coaching and all activities related to it. Coaching is that unique activity that feeds both my spirit and my soul. My current dilemma is in fact this one: I miss coaching but I also miss the necessary energy to coach regularly. Health-wise I know I am not there yet.

So that leaves me where I started: absolutely nowhere.

At least it's not elsewhere anymore so I must be getting somewhere....

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