Reflections on 2010

Today is the last day of 2010.  As I am about to step into 2011, do I have anything to celebrate?  My immediate reaction is to answer 'NO' because I had two relapses in the last twelve months.  it doesn't feel therefore like I have made any progress.  I am still firmly stuck in Bi-Polar Land and I don't see myself emigrating any time soon.

As much as I tell myself (and others) that I have come to terms with my condition and the fact that it will accompany me to the grave, a part of me still nurtures the hope that I will wake up one morning and find that the last few years have been a bad dream. It is that part I am dragging reluctantly into a new year. It is that part - if I let it -  that could blind me to my blessings and my good fortune.  It is that part I have to watch like a hawk to stop it becoming the whole of my story.

So, aside from painfully dashed hope, what else is there when I look back on the past year?

  1. Although I did experience two relapses, I have become  very good at 'nipping them in the bud' and asking for help before I end up in hospital again.  This is very important because I am proving to myself that I am no longer focused on being though - I am endeavouring to be wise. Big slap on the back for me.
  2. When I was taken off my treatment at the beginning of the year and my energy levels shot up into the stratosphere, I used that energy creatively and usefully.  I painted and decorated furniture and walls, transforming my home into something that gives me a great deal of pleasure. **  Good.
  3. I was able to help my elderly parents by taking care of them when my mum had her hip replacement operation.  I am very happy I was well enough to do it.  Brilliant.
  4. My website and my Facebook Page have continued to grow by word of mouth, something I am truly amazed by and very grateful for. Wonderful.
  5. My little book was published at the end of this year and is about to be launched in a few days' time. This is a dream come true for me and I am more than thrilled - I am ecstatic!
  6. I have done my best to be of service to friends and neighbours within my limitations.  This is very important to me.  My soul literally 'shrivels up' if I cannot support people lovingly. It is as fundamental to me as the air that I breathe.  Great.
  7. I have done my best to be of service to myself, a skill I am only just starting to master. I have learnt that I cannot give others what I don't have in the first place and that I must include myself among my friends. Finally.
  8. Last but not least, I have lost none of the love I am given by my family and my friends. I never take this for granted. Lovely.
  9. My husband brings in good money from his job these days and I haven't had to worry about paying the rent or paying the bills. This is a constant source of joy and relief to me because I know what it is like to be bankrupt. Excellent.

All in all, I have a great deal to celebrate and I intend to raise a glass to 2010 and thank it for what it brought and kept into my life.

I hope with  all my heart that YOU too will find your way through your illness to your blessings and your joys.

Happy New Year to you all  :D 

** These two photos only show a very small part of the work I did but I thought it would amuse you to see my furniture painting work.  My neighbours called me the Paint Queen all the time I was stripping and painting furniture  :D


Hi Gabrielle.

i follow you on facebook. You make me laugh, you make me cry, but most of all, you inspire me and give me hope.

i wish you the happiest of New Years. 

Health & Happiness

jozz xxx

Thank you Jozz

I am glad you are one of my beloved Bi-Polanders :D 

Big Love

Gabrielle xx


Hi Gabrielle, I love your honesty and courage, for which I thank you deeply.

I also love your painted furniture and the colours you choose.

It makes me wonder .... if you imagine painting your 'other part' (that you described at the start of this post), what colours would you choose ... and would there be any that could transform it into something lighter and more attractive?

Wishing you a good 2011,

Carole xxx

Trust you Carole!

Yes, trust YOU to ask me such a thought-provoking question.  

Having thought about it, I keep coming back to the colour I painted my dresser.  As a rule, I don't like blue very much in home decorating or clothes but that dresser blue is indescribably pleasing to my eyes.

So I think I would take a bath in that blue and add a touch of pale pink to it, in the same way I have done with the roses in the glass container.  Yep! I think I will be that blue from now on  :D

Depression is generally 'painted' as black or dark blue so that light blue is a way to lighten everything as you suggested I do.

What a great idea!  Thank you for that.

Big Love my friend and Happy New Year to you too.

Gabrielle xxxx

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