Counting my Blessings

I do spend a lot of my thinking time counting my blessings - I guess you could say it's become a habit. In a way, that's what bothers me...

It's good to have a positive habit and yet I cannot help but feel a sense of .... of .... automatic response, and I am not totally happy about that. It reminds me of those prayers that people recite without really thinking about what they are actually saying (even if I think about what I am saying).

For some reason, I feel the need to 'upgrade' my gratitude. As I write this, an immediate question comes to my mind: when I say 'upgrade' am I thinking of quantity or am I thinking of quality? Both is the unequivocal answer that's just popped into my head.

OK then, let's deal with quantity first. It is true that I have more to be grateful for than I did - say last year - because a lot of things have happened that have given me a greater sense of security or a great deal of pleasure:

• Regular money coming, courtesy of my wonderful hubby. Interestingly, money isn't important to me because of what it provides (although I am certainly grateful for food on my plate and a roof over my head) but rather because of what it avoids (monthly worries about whether we can pay the rent being an example)
• My self-publlshed E-Books, courtesy of my lovely friend Lynette Allen.
• Opportunities to speak publicly, something I truly enjoy, courtesy of the excellent team at the Brooklands Parade NHS Centre and the good people of A2B (Access to Business) in my home town of Wolverhampton.
• My new website, courtesy of my hubby again, of which I am very 'humbly proud'
• My recently renewed ability to dream and set goals again. I missed that so much when I was too ill to even think about the next day.

All  in all, I have a much bigger Gratitude Bag than I used to have, even if it was pretty big to start with.

How about quality then? Something has happened to me during (and as I emerged from) the worse of my illness. It is very difficult for me to put into words. The nearest I can get to it is to say that I used to feel (and think) that the universe/God was outside of me - even if it always felt very close. I now feel like the universe/God is inside of me. I realise this sounds strange but it's the best way I know how to put it.

As a result, everything I think or feel is ...... ...... enhanced, brighter, purer, frankly impossible to describe! Therefore, my Gratitude Bag needs to be made of a different material as well as be of a larger size. I think the bag itself is precious and now needs to be made of spun gold!

In practice, I have a sense this means counting my blessings  - not just consciously - but also while feeling intense joy.

I am really happy about that :D