My hubby often says to me when he walks into the kitchen: "you're cooking up a storm in here!" and I love that expression of his. It gives the word storm a very positive meaning for me, as opposed to the awful feeling of being in the storm of bi-polar depression. Also, I enjoy the feeling of 'cooking up a storm' because it is full of energy.
I have always enjoyed cooking. There is something basic and earthy about peeling, chopping, stirring and all that good stuff. Food preparation is essential to my feeding myself well AND it enables me to 'feed' my love to my family. I take great pleasure in baking my husband's favourite brownies or my son's favourite cheesecake!
Yet, dealing with food is the first thing that goes the minute I feel unwell. When my energy is low, it is as if I had nothing to give food preparation. The very thought of cooking makes me feel worse. I can't stand the smell of food. Idon't want to handle food. All I want to do is eat food that is immediate and preferably starchy and bland.
This intrigues me and, if I am totally honest, it also frustrates me. You would think that when my energy is low I would feel the need to feed myself energising food and yet the opposite happens. I want to eat what I would normally refer to as 'rubbish'. I suppose, it is what is meant by comfort eating.
I have started staying with the need to comfort myself with food instead of eating it down. I am learning to tell the physical difference that exists between what it feels like for me to be hungry, and what it feels like for me to need eating.
Hunger and the need to eat are definitely not the same sensation: one feels like my stomach is crying out and the other feels like the whole centre of my body (from below my chest to just above my hips) is groaning. There is a 'clean' sharpness to my hunger whereas there is a 'menacing' rumble to my need to eat. Hmmm.... It seems to me that I have some residual fear in my system somewhere... I have no idea what it is or where it came from or what it is trying to say. The only way I stand a chance of finding out is for me to continue listening to that rumble.
You never know, the answer could come to me as I am preparing food in the kitchen! It could well be that 'cooking up a storm' is the way for me to 'healing up a storm' too :0)