Cleaning up my Act

Here I am sitting at my computer, wrestling with the idea that I should have a shower and I should get dressed. As they say in the coaching world, all this shoulding all over myself isn't helping one bit.

Firstly, I feel far too comfortable in my wonderfully soft and fluffy dressing gown. My friend and neighbour, the lovely S, bought is for me as a Christmas present and I soon came to the conclusion that it was a very dangerous garment. Once I am ensconced in it, there's no getting out of it. The label proudly states that the material is 'super soft' and, for once, this is not a marketing exaggeration. Super soft it is! Not only that but the thought of getting naked and stepping into that shower does not appeal one bit. I want to stay warm and cuddly.

Secondly, my gut hurts again this morning so it's very easy for me to let myself slip into 'poor me' mode where I shouldn't push myself to do anything I don't really want to do. I need comforting. I should tackle the bank reconciliation and deal with the direct debit fiasco that has affected our utilities bill BUT (here I know I should get my 'but' out of my own face!) dealing with money problems sucks energy out of me quicker than anything else. Also, I suspect my stomach is registering the anxiety caused by those money problems in the first place so my immediate reaction is to avoid exposing myself to the very thing that I react to anxiously.

Thirdly, I feel the need to write. (I am reminded of Tom Cruise in Top Gun and his "I feel the need, the need for speed"). This need is interesting to me. It manifests as a gentle urge - it never shouts, it whispers. It feels like a friend - never a task master. I love it. I also love my website. I feel comfortable 'playing' with it and it works brilliantly. My hubby has created an electronic environment that I enjoy. It's a real place to me, as real as any room in the house or any street in the town. It is both private and open, which is an unusual combination of opposites. I am very lucky to have it. And I love the cartoons my son draws for me. They combine to form an 'emotional pictorial dictionary' that helps me express what is often shapeless and wordless inside my head.

I have managed to come up with three reasons why I am not having my shower. Well, that's good enough for me! I think I'll stay warm and cuddly, playing with my website a while longer.

I can always clean up my act later :0) 

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.