Cerebral Aquatics

For a few days now I have had the feeling that my brain is swimming inside my head, as if my head was suddenly huge and there was too much room inside for my brain to 'fit' properly. I jokingly refer to this swimming sensation as Cerebral Aquatics!

Although it does not hurt, it is both unpleasant and unsettling:

  • Unpleasant because it is a 'weird' sensation. It sits outside the range of 'normal 'bodily experiences. It feels like internal pressure AND internal looseness all at once. Physically, it makes no sense and my brain doesn't quite know how to interpret how it is feeling
  • Unsettling because I have never come across it in any of the medical literature on BPD nor indeed in anybody else's account of their BPD condition. It is unsettling also because it interferes with my five senses: my vision is 'floaty', my hearing is woolly and my balance feels uncertain.

I cannot associate it with any particular medication because I get Cerebral Aquatics whether I am on medication or not, and whichever medication I am on.

So, it must be something that is particular to me. I can't say that it is making feel special: weird more like!

Then again, I know that a problem (whatever it is, medical or otherwise) is that which it is PLUS the way we feel about it and respond to it. In that sense, feeling special would be more helpful to me than feeling weird. The question is: special in what way exactly?

I haven't a clue. I can think of a lot of 'smart arse' things to say (as is my want!) but none of them ring true. Balloon Head is here to stay. Cerebral Aquatics are a fixture. Does it really matter?

In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter one iota. It is just another one of those things that make every day functioning and living a little bit more difficult. It is not life-threatening but it is life-wearing, yet another thing to put up with.

'What are you currently putting up with?' is a question I used to ask my coaching clients because I understood only too well that a slow burn may not bring out the fire brigade with all its sirens blaring but it will eventually destroy our 'home' (physical, emotional, psychological, mental) as surely as a raging fire would.

'What am I currently putting up with?' is a question I would be well advised to ask myself. That way, I would have the chance to sort the wheat from the chaff:

  1. In one bag the things I have no control over whatsoever - in which case it would be better for me to put them down and accept them gracefully instead of putting up with them
  2. In the other bag the things I have some control over - in which case it would be helpful for me to come up with some actions I can take to move forward rather than stay stuck with my putting up habit.

It sounds like my Balloon Head and me have some work to do.

I'll keep you informed of our progress :D

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