A Big Person in a Little Body

I cannot resist introducing you all to Lilly as her Daddy drew her. I told you she was a big presence for a two week old little person! I adore this cartoon. Thank you Greg.

Lately, I have been thinking about being a big person in a little body myself. I cannot write this sentence without falling about laughing. Me!?! A small body!?! I must be joking. It is true that my physical presence has been increased by an array of kilos, pounds and ounces I could well do without. My knees, my ankles and my feet are telling me daily that they are working too hard. I hear them. I also hear something else from the rest of my body: " when you no longer need protection as you perceive yourself against the world as you perceive it,  then you will shed your buffer".

It appears (I chose this word purposefully) that my 'weight problem' is in fact my 'perception problem'. When I stop seeing myself as small, I feel stronger. When I stop seeing the world as a dangerous place to be in, I feel safer. A strong and safe human being doesn't need buffering against life. A strong and safe human being is big enough to accommodate her weakness and to recognise the wickedness in some of the world without retreating fearfully behind an inflated ego masquerading as humility and manifesting as an inflated body. I am well advised to take Lilly's advice: be a BIG person in a LITTLE body. I am learning to be just that, delighted as I am to be following in my grand-daughter's foot steps.

Because I am a lot older than Lilly who has yet to discover her ego self, I also owe it to myself to live and love as a big person with a little ego. Getting myself out of my own way is something I thought I had mastered. Ha! I am only just beginning to realise that I was thinking under the influence of my ever-present ego, the master of all my fears. My focus on the needs of others wasn't true generosity, it was an expression of my own neediness. I am OK with that because now I also know that, underneath it all, what I really needed was love, and I still do. We all do. The good news is that I have finally come to the point where I feel love for me. I don't just think it is a good idea to love my neighbour as myself, I live the truth that I love myself as I love my neighbour. 

A pattern is emerging I think.... Most people identify totally with their body, with all the neuroses that ensue for them - I seem to have finally started identifying with mine, with all the neuroses my self-imposed apartheid brought to me under the radar of my self-awareness. Most people learn to love their neighbour as themselves - I seem to have finally started to love myself as I love my neighbour. I appear to be learning 'back-to-front' and 'inside-out', except of course that there isn't such a thing. Learning is not limited by direction or point of departure. Neither is love for that matter.... which is why I am now following in Lilly's little footsteps.....

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.