Anchoring feels good!

After a second relapse and a stint of home hospitalisation, I am finally feeling better. It appears the new drugs regime is working. What I mean by 'working' is that it is giving me sufficient biological/physiological stability for me to access the sum total of my resources and experience. To me that's what drugs are for: they give me back ME.

Throwing anchor feels good after so many months drifting on stormy seas. It is so good having a clear brain and a calm body. I am so happy just being able to do the 'normal' every day things most people take for granted:

  • Getting out of bed do start with!
  • Having a shower
  • Making the bed and tidying my clothes
  • Feeding the cat and cleaning her litter tray
  • Emptying the dishwasher
  • Watering the plants
  • Sweeping the floor
  • Doing the laundry
  • Cooking meals
  • GOING FOOD SHOPPING! That's a 'big' one for me because that's the first thing that goes to pots when I don't feel well.

Reading the list above, it is apparent that my expectations are fairly low these days! It takes very little to keep me happy. Basic maintenance activities feel to me like mana from heaven. 

On top of that, if I can walk to the town centre, socialise AND write in my blog as well, then I am positively ECSTATIC.

The only dark spot on my otherwise blank happy sheet is my weight: I am eating less on the new medication regime and yet I am putting on weight. I put myself on a strict eating plan that has in the past helped me shed weight regularly. Typically I have in the past lost just under a stone in a month. This time - and although I stuck to it rigidly - I lost........ nothing. Not an ounce. The psychiatrist tells me it's the meds. I knew that.

Weight gain is often dismissed by the psychiatric communities as one of those things we have to put up with. It's either obesity OR lunacy: you choose. Although I would choose obesity every time, overweight creates serious problems such as diabetes, cholesterol AND it also creates havoc with backs, hips, knees, ankles and feet. I now have the energy to walk but within 5 minutes my left hip and my right knee start hurting. Overweight and middle age are NOT a comfortable combination!

Fortunately my psychiatrist does take my weight problem seriously and he has asked me to see my GP about tablets (MORE medication) to help me. We shall see what happens..

I am VERY happy to throw anchor - I just wish I could also throw my excess weight overboard!  :D 


it seems that i got obesity and lunacy... so i can empathise with your dilemma... not sure what meds the gp can give you other than appetite suppressants... and watching what i eat is fine when i am well ... but when unstable... i hate to cook so i snack... I am glad you are back to sort of normal... the meds can be such a benefit... and such a hinderance...

Thank you Cate

I know exactly what you mean. I too manage to maintain a good balanced home-cooked diet when I am stable. When I am unstable, everything goes out of the window!  The doctor has given me some pills to decrease the amount of fat my body absorbs but apart from upsetting my gut the jury is still out :D  

I like your phrase "meds can be such a benefit and such a hindrance". There speaks the voice of experience....

Gabrielle xx

heavy in body and mind

Oh my - how I can relate to this dilemma. Having read the side effects of seroquel which I have recently been started on, my mind is reeling. I am already heavily overweight, pain in hips and knees most of the time. My eating patterns are at their very worst presently and I truly lack the motivation to even summon a minor change. In fact, I feel defeated from the outset...... higher cholesterol and triglycerides, higher diabetes risk, weight gain..... seroquel may lessen my risk of dying by suicide and do really well at wiping me out with a heart attack!!!!!

Thank you Cate

You poor thing! You sound as fed up with the weight thing as I am.  My psychiatrist has suggested I take Xenical 120mg to counteract the weight gaining effect of the medication. It seems to be working but it is very early days so I will wait a while before I make the results public.  In the meantime, I send you bucketfuls of love and encouragement  :D xx

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