Amazing Grace

It doesn't matter how many times I experience this process it amazes me, stuns me, baffles me, astonishes me and puzzles me. if I weren't limited by my vocabulary I could go on and on.

Last night as I was watching TV I became aware that I was feeling gently sleepy. I expected it to pass but it lasted for a good hour. Unheard of over the last month!   So I switched the TV and all the lights off downstairs and climbed the three flights of stairs to our bedroom. I live in a three storey house and over the last few weeks I have found the stairs extremely hard going. Last night, to my surprise, when I got to the top floor instead of collapsing in a heap I felt like .... HAVING A SHOWER! You know how incredible that is because I have been complaining about how difficult , painful even, showering is when I feel as bad as I have been feeling recently.

I went with it and had a 'normal' shower just after midnight. It was a reasonably pleasant experience and my skin didn't scream at me as it had done lately.

Even more impressively I fell asleep within 30 minutes or so and never saw 1.15am register on my bedside digital clock. Lately 6am has been the last thing I see before finally falling asleep.

I woke up this morning feeling as if I had stepped into another body. I could hear better, I could see better, I could put my bra on (!), my body felt lose and comfortable. It was such a surprise to my system that it took me a while to adapt to this new blissful circumstance.

I have continued to feel OK all day. I have been able to potter here and there, to carry out some of the little tasks I had had to abandon such as repotting a plant, stitching a button, sorting out the recycling, etc. Nothing very taxing but it felt so good being able to function more fluidly and less painfully. 

(Havind said that, I have been very reasonable and have avoided rushing around too much, as is my tendency as soon as I feel better. I noticed that I tired easily so I made sure all my little activities were interspeced with periods of rest.)

Today I felt like I had moved from being a rusty wheel to being a well lubricated one - everything was so much easier.

What happened to produce this dramatic change?  I haven't a clue.

I call this change for the better 'Amazing Grace' beause it is amazing and it is a blessing; yet, I do not have the faintest idea what made it happen. On the surface nothing changed. Not my medication, not my diet, not my circumstance, nothing. Even more puzzling, I contacted my son on Facebook to ask him how he was feeling today (he too has BPD II) and he experienced the same sudden improvement to his wellbeing even though he lives miles away from where I live. We laughed and said it could not be something in the water because of the distance so it must be something in the air!

Just as astonishing is the fact that this improvement could disappear just as quickly as it came. I have no idea what I'll be like tomorrow or the day after. Recovery is never a straight line - it resembles a mountain range that eventually leads (if all goes well) to a long plateau of  better stability and greater comfort. 

For now I am enjoying feeling human again while it lasts.  With a bit of luck, my wheel will keep on turning   :D

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