Blogs

 

If ever there was a financial metaphor for Bi-Polarism, it is the current economic crisis. Not only that but, pleasingly enough for me, the financial world has now proved that it is as crazy as I am. 

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For years, when people spoke of depression or moods, I felt like they were speaking a totally different language from mine.

For them, feeling depressed was feeling:

  • Blah or blue
  • Unenthusiastic
  • Apathetic
  • Disinterested
  • Discouraged

Fo me, feeling depressed was feeling:

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People who know me well will tell you that I am not a girlie person - I never was. In this sense, I suppose many would say I am 'atypical'.  I don't eat chocolate and I would rather shove needles in my eyes than watch Sex and the City. I have only one girlie trait: I love shoes...

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One of the great things about the Christmas and New Year period is getting in touch with old friends. It's even better when old friends get in touch with me.

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I have felt rather 'blue' lately. As a result, I have felt frustrated with myself. After all, the beginning of a new year is supposed to be a time of setting new goals and of eager anticipation. I have not been feeling like setting goals and I have lost my sense of anticipation. I haven't even felt like writing - hence my long silence.

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A few months ago, my friend and neighbour, the lovely S,  gave me a little pink fridge magnet which says 'Eat cake - it's good for you'. It's a great little thing; the problem is that I have been following its advice a bit too enthusiastically....

I have been baking AND eating cakes. It would be OK if I just baked them but, once out of the oven, that cake smell is irresistible.

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There was a time when I used to get all excited about Christmas. Just in case you don't believe me, have a look at the picture below.

I look at that picture and I think "is that really me?!" Nowadays, I seem to have lost my Christmas zest. I used to think it was because of the depression (which of course had something to do with it) but I now know there is something else at play here. Something beyond my being clinically depressed.

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As my hubby was sitting next to me, driving along in the wintry sunshine, I had a light-bulb moment. Just like that. Out of the blue. It suddenly occurred to me that my bi-polar disorder was a powerful physical metaphor for my 'Emotional Swing-o-Metre'.

I have spoken many times of the monster that lived inside my father and that could switch him from a warm loving daddy into a dangerous violent one. This was how I used to experience my father's own bi-polar disorder as a child.

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